Tag: self-manipulation toolbox

You are angry by choice

Akshat Rathi2 Comments

I don’t know anything that I have done in anger that made me proud. Do you have such an example that you are proud of?

Sure there may be some constructive examples that may have popped up. That time when, because you were angry, you decided that you will beat the competition and emerge as a winner. Or that time when in an enraged state you made an argument which won you the debate (something you could not have done had you not been angry, you think).

May be you have some more examples but they will be in similar categories. If so, then go back to those examples: How long did that resolve to emerge as a winner last? Did you really win that debate or did the opponent play the right card by not opposing you at that time?

If by being angry you think it will lead to a better future, then think again.

You could have controlled that thing which made you angry or you could not have. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the person who made you angry could have done what you asked. Nor does it matter if the driver in front of you could have driven with some more sense. And it still does not matter if the thing you could have done to improve that project, you did not do in time.

You are angry now and what you are angry about is the past.

There is nothing you can do to change the past (even if you believe that scientists may invent a time-machine someday!). But there is much you can do to change the future. Anger helps no one’s cause.

More importantly though, almost everything that you think makes you angry, will not make you angry if you don’t want it to. Every bit of anger generated can be avoided, but you have to actively want to avoid it.

The root of our anger is always some person (either you yourself or someone else). Trees cannot make you angry, nor can your car. They are inanimate objects, they are as they are. They cannot do anything about themselves or about anything else. Then how can they make anyone angry? They can’t.

People make other people angry. And changing people is extremely hard. So if you react to someone who made you angry because you think he will change and thus, not make you angry the next time. Don’t react. And if you want to react because that reaction will ease your anger, even then don’t. It does no good. There are much better ways to ease that anger.

A process that works: when you know you are angry, stop right there. Don’t react to what made you angry. Instead, think about why it made you angry. Rationalise for yourself. Most of the time the reason is because some one did something. And if you accept that you cannot do much about  that someone, it means that you don’t have any reason to get angry.

Quite often you may be angry because of yourself. Something that you did, but did not want to or something that you could’ve done differently but you did not. And although in this case, the person can be changed if the will to change can be gathered, it still doesn’t give you enough reason to remain angry. Because remaining angry on yourself means you are wasting valuable resources (energy and time). You could easily use those resources to change things for better.

When you are angry at yourself, it is not a good time to give in to what the anger wants you to do, instead it is a good time to introspect. To understand what could have been changed and make that change.

If you are angry, you are angry by choice. What made you angry is irrelevant. You can choose not to be angry, if you want. And you know that there are more benefits in that choice.

What if you could control the drive within you?

Akshat Rathi5 Comments

Anything you do gets done faster and produces better results if you have the drive to do it. A drive that pushes you, that sets new limits and that forces you to seek new sources to power yourself.

When you see someone with that drive within themselves, you can immediately recognise it. They have a different persona: they are brimming with confidence, they bring great enthusiasm to the table and they make a difference to the people around them. Their work is a source of inspiration to their peers or to the generations to follow.

There may be many reasons for why you have the drive to do what you do. It may be because that thing is on your to-do list, or it might be something that you have wanted all your life, or anything in between. The drive might exist because of some fear that has been troubling you or because of that anxiety which you find unsettling. It could stem from a desire to take revenge or simply because of an inspiration to do something for your loved one.

Whatever may be the reasons, having the drive to do something is a powerful tool to be able to leverage. Not only does it give you an edge over your competitor but it also gives you a lot more pleasure in what you do. It makes you feel that the effort you put in to doing something is worth it. That drive enables you to overcome the pain to experience the joys.

Now here’s the million dollar question:

What if you could control your drive, turn it up when you want?

I don’t claim that I have the answer and to be frank, it will be hard to convince me that there is only one answer. Each individual will have their methods to crank up ‘the drive’ they possess. And I think it is good to have more than one absolute way of being able to create a powerful force within you which will help you achieve your goals.

I certainly have my multiple ways of generating that drive for myself. One that I would like to talk about today is the method of raising the bar or the method of trivialising the achieved.

Here is how it works: Say you have just achieved X and have now you set yourself a new goal Y. You can now generate that drive to do Y by reflecting upon your previous achievement, X. You find ways of convincing yourself why Y, if achieved, will be a bigger achievement than X. That is a perfectly sound reason for you to push yourself to achieve Y. At the same time you may also find aspects of X which you can consciously trivialise because now you have the skill/confidence to be able to do X again. For Y though, you will need new skills and extra confidence. Another reason for why you should go after Y given X has been achieved.

The drive generated by this method can be as strong as you want it to be. You will have to put in the effort to better reason for Y over X.

The biggest advantage of this method is that it can set in to motion a machine that generates ‘a drive’ for you. All you need to do is make sure you fuel it up when necessary. Fuelling the tank up shouldn’t be that hard, after all it is a simple trick that you consciously play with your own mind.

Tell me what you do in one sentence

Akshat Rathi7 Comments

…if not in one then surely in less than in five sentences.

Exchanging pleasantries with new people generally involves giving names and current occupation. That is fine in a brief encounter but if conversation is to continue further, more information needs to be exchanged. It is then when we are asked that tricky question:

So what exactly do you do? or what is research all about?

At this point, it is very important to be able to comprehensively explain your work in as few sentences as possible and at the same time make sure that the excitement you have about what you do comes across in those few words.

It is a tricky one because we have to be able to place ourselves in someone else’s shoes and speak by assuming the right amount of knowledge. If you were given 30 minutes, you would be able to get your point across but to ensure that a conversation remains interesting, you have to be able to answer in only a few sentences.

Just think about the many people who you’ve met and found them to be unimpressive within the first few minutes of conversation. They might be people at good positions or with good companies but if they are not able to tell you how exciting their work is, they will not be able to leave a lasting impression.

Interestingly though, this exercise of forcing yourself to think about describing what exactly you do, has double benefits. It does not only manage to get your point across but also helps you to streamline your own thoughts about what you do.

It is not often that you sit and think about how best to describe your job. But when you do, you realise that it is a valuable exercise. You observe yourself from a third person’s perspective and consider the many things that you affect while you work. Many of those may not seem obvious to you and some may have easily skipped your attention previously. It can be a rewarding experience and can help motivate you further.

But more importantly, if you do manage to explain what you do in just a few sentences and are able to show that excitement you harbour about your work then the person will have no choice but to be impressed.

It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you believe you do something worthwhile and are able to get that point across.